My past weekend..

So, what a crazy weekend! It was a really nice weekend, and I LOVED every minute of it, but it was also (and this is going to sound stupid) but it was life changing! ha ha. I'm not even joking.

On Friday, as you will read in the post below, I went to Borders, one word, amazing. Then on Saturday I went to work and me and the this girl I work with Meg, watched Christmas music videos which lead to watching The Christmas Shoes, a Hallmark movie everyone should see. While watching this movie I had an epiphany, ha. There is a part when the grandmother picks up a picture of her son when he was a boy, and you can see it touches her, she stares at it and remembers that time in her life. Well it got me thinking.

This whole year I have been wondering where I want to go with my photography and I think it would be really cool to take pictures for families, seniors, weddings. I know, crazy. But, I would rather have my pictures mean something to someone like that grandmother in the movie, then my pictures end up in a trashcan or on a girls wall for a few years with them striving to be skinny and beautiful like the models in the pictures. I would rather have my pictures mean more to someone personally, then be a blimp in the entertainment world for a month, and then disappear.

I'm good at networking, and I think I have the personality for it. As a family portrait photographer and wedding photographer, I could bring in pretty good money, and still become famous for it down the road. I have this idea that instead of making photos of models for girls to strive to be, how cool would it be to take (for instance) a regular senior girl or whoever, get to know them and what they want, and take a portrait of them, but in a fashion magazine manner. For instance, setting up, not just a white background for a normal senior portrait, but setting up elaborate scenes in a type of Americas Next Top Model manner. So they can be their own fashion spread. All you need are good ideas, collect props and scene items, even think of locations, and that's it. I would market my studio in a way I haven't really seen done before.

I mean, when your working for a fashion magazine, a lot of times, your photos really aren't what you could be as an artist. Fashion photography is really not art, but a form of advertisement, good advertisement. Thats all. And the photographer really doesn't have free reign on their own pictures because the whole time they have someone over their shoulder and editors to crop and pluck the photo to their leisure.

As a portrait photographer, it would be my control. I would make it my duty to get to know the person I am photographing, and give them the opportunity to get an elaborate shoot done they wouldn't have the chance to do anywhere else. Instead of them looking at fashion spreads or picturesque family scenes in O-magazine and Vanity Fair, they could be their own. I mean all it takes to get those pictures are good clothes, good photoshop editing, good placement and a good idea.

I just think I could do something with this. Allowing someone to be their own fashion spread. Not just the typical senior picture of white background, fake letters, fake outdoor scenery with fake lighting. My studio would go to cool locations, set up elaborate scenes for each individual person, go to wherever that person feels they are as much themeselves, using natural light as much as possible. There is a photograher Michael Franzini, who published a book, One Hundred Young Americans. His portraits are amazing of these teenagers, but its because he allowed himself to understand them. I wouldn't just be another senior portrait photographer, but I would want to understand exactly who they are. Go to the link below, look at the pictures of these teenagers, I just think they are great, but so simple.

http://www.100youngamericans.com/home.htm


I don't know, what do you all think?

SOME QUOTES!!

So this past Friday I had no events for my internship, nothing planned and I wasn't really tired to take a nap. So I took advantage of this opportunity and did something I haven't done in FOREVER.

First I took Kapper for a walk in Forest Park, because he needed to get out, and then second, I went to Borders, grabbed a few quote books and wrote down some more quotes in my own quote book I have had since High School. Me and my friend Kelsey use to do this, and it was so calming. I was at Borders for 6 hours all by myself, but it was absolutely amazing!! It was so nice just to step back and relax. Something I haven't been able to do with so much on my mind in forever. BUT ANYWAY, I thought I would share some quotes with you that I found...

"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific"

-Lily Tomlin

"We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship"

-Gen. Omar N. Bradley

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children."

-Charles R. Swindell

"You never know when your making a memory"

-Rickie Lee Jones

"Since God made us to be originals, why stoop to be a copy?"

-Rev. Billy Graham

"I like the silent church before the service begins better than any preaching."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You don't get to choose how your going to die. Or When. You can only decide how you're going to live now."

-Joan Baez

"Yesterday is experience. Tomorrow is hope. Today is getting from one to the other as best we can."

-John M. Henry

"One reason a dog can be such a comfort when your feeling blue is that he doesnt try to find out why."

-The National Enquirer

"Failure is an event, never a person."

-William D. Brown

IM BACK!! THIS IS A BIG ONE!

"Music is my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness." -Maya Angelou


I haven't been on here in FOREVER!! As my friends say, I have fell off the face of the earth. Which happens from time to time with me. I know how to disappear, and I don't mean to do it, but I do. I usually disappear when I've had a busy week, because usually its me trying to catch up on sleep I missed. It's been a long past two weeks!

I had two tests, Chemistry and Biology, and I actually think I did okay on them. I also took Kapper to the vet, which was an interesting experience. He did okay, but gave me the most pissed off looks...ha ha. That dog has the craziest personality. But I love him. The vet I take him too is open till 2 a.m. which is really nice and is right the down the street from where I live. Its pretty convenient.

I also signed up for classes for next semester, which is going to consist of A LOT of photography classes and a German cooking class!!! Hopefully it will be a lot of fun, better than this semester!

I'm still doing the internship at ALIVE and its going well. I hopefully will be able to get more out of it like maybe shadowing photographers more and touching up photos, so I can get ready for maybe assisting a photographer here in Saint Louis, yes I said it, I will mention that in a second. But ALIVE is fun, you get to meet people you wouldn't be able to anywhere else, and I am going to stay with them for another semester. Just yesterday afternoon we (the photo interns) were offered the chance to go to a radio station here and photograph Will Smith, first to respond got it, but my phone didn't get the email till 2 hours after!! So I wasn't able to do it! I was really bummed!

About the whole finding an assistant job here in the lou, yes, I'm probably going to stay here for a little bit after I graduate, and by a little bit I mean a year or more. I kind of had a little break down with my mom about finding a job, how I was going to do it, because I'm not able to focus my attention on me finding a job like everyone else is. My two science courses are causing this cloud.

But I was just stressing out because I had no idea WHERE I was going and HOW I was going to get there, especially with the economy we are at now. There are just NO JOBS for photographers unless your a wedding photographer, especially in the midwest. All the jobs are in New York and LA, and I would love to just up and go, but at the same time, I know how unresponsible that would be and I'm just scared to do it, bottom line.

A photographer came into my professional developlment class and he had moved to NY and came back, but assisted a famous photographer in NY who had done alot of Time Magazine covers. He was saying how assisting isn't that bad of a gig, because you learn alot, and network alot. He said he usually gets 3 shoots a year, and only got 2 this year, and he has a pretty big resume, so I could only imagine how it would be with someone just entering the field!

It just stressed me out, but I thought about it, and I REALLY dont feel comfortable doing a photoshoot all on my own! The way the guy put it, as a photographer for a magazine, your handed a celebrity, and given a day to shoot, they put the whole thing in your hands, which can be fun, but you need to know what your doing! I have only taken one studio class and i really dont think I know enough to just go out there in the real world and do something like that. I would really screw up things and could screw up my name and reputation. SO.

I have decided that the more responsible thing to do, would be to stay in the lou, and find a assistant job, since I have a great internship to find those type of connections, why not use it to my full advantage! Plus cost of living here is alot cheaper, and I may still be struggling to get a place to live or a job, but atleast here I know bad neighborhoods from good and all that. Plus as an assistant I will be able to learn more and get more comfortable with my photography. Im young, most photographers dont even get to Annie Leibovitz level till their 30's, I still have time.

Its just good to know that I have a direction to go in know, my future is not totally a blank. I know I'm going to stay here, I know of places I already want to live, and I know some prospect photographers and studios I can ask to assist. BUT ANYWAY, that's been my past two weeks, in a nutshell of course.

I know I say over and over I'm going to get on here more often, but I really will! I just needed to get some stuff straightened out, which I did, and now I kind of know what I need to do. Hopefully I can now find the time to get to this thing and update once in a while! I HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING WELL!! And keep checking my blog every few days! Dont give up on me and not posting, I will try to get better! Its just been a crazy semester! I guess thats what happens when its your senior year! The road you see keeps going out of your college life, and you have to struggle and find how to drive into it and what direction to take, ITS ALOT TO TAKE ON! :) especially with an art major (photography) like me, but i cant help my passion and pray for me that I can make it and find my niche!!

QUOTE AND PIC(S) OF THE DAY!!

"People everywhere enjoy believing things that they know are not true. It spares them the the ordeal of thinking for themeselves, taking responsibility for what they know."
-Brooks Atkinson


These are two pictures of my room. I know, its a little messy. And Kapper is in the picture too! ha ha. My room theme is old hollywood. Which, I have my Marylin, she is my all time favorite. I also have my other favorite Audrey Hepburn, and James Dean, but I'm still needing to add to my collection like Cary Grant, Gene Kelley and Charlie Chaplin. Meh, but I like my room so far, its comfy.

Quote and Pic of The Day!!

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde


So this is the picture from when my friend Keely visited me when we were in search of the exorcist. This is supposedly the house that the boy that was demonized lived in. You can view it bigger by clicking on it. The orb is the green thing, which the color green is the color associated with the boy. Again, I didn't use flash, and there was no light in the area the orb is at. It was a pitch dark street and we were about 40 feet away from the house or farther. HOW FREAKY IS THAT!! Cameras cant form something like that in a picture, dust would look like a speck. A reflection would have more circles and brighter flashing lines in white towards the camera.....CRAZY! anyway, just thought I would show you!

Quote and Pic of The Day!!

"If you treat every situation as a life -and-death matter, you will die a lot of times."
-Dean Smith


So I know its kind of late, but I have been busy, and when I'm not busy, I'm catching up on sleep I so dearly missed out on in august, september and almost all of october. I actually have a break with my internship till next week, so this week, I'm sleeping. :) BUT, this is the pumpkin I carved for Halloween. It weighed 70 lbs!!! And I picked it myself from a pumpkin patch! It was so fun! I LOVE FALL!! I know I haven't been keeping up with the quote and pic thing like I said, but I'm trying to get my new computer up and running and I think I have it almost all done! So hopefully I can get back on here more often!! But to catch up, tonight I'm going to put up a few more quotes and pictures and also an update on whats going on with me!! And hopefully I can keep up with this thing now that my computer is running smoothly!!

HALLOWEEN WEEKEND!!

This past weekend was so fun! Not only was it Halloween, but it also was Kapper's fake birthday from when me and Derek got him!! His real birthday is somewhere in may and he is 3 and a half years old. But Me and Derek got him last October 30th so to us, he is a 1 year old. Derek bought him a birthday cake, we gave him a tiny sliver, and no it wasn't chocolate and we scraped off alot of the icing, but he LOVED IT! I then took him for a walk in one of his favorite parks near my apartment. He had a really good day! I have a picture I took of him with my phone, I will upload it later today!

Then on Halloween, I really didn't go to any parties or anything like that, to much drama. Me and Derek just bought tons of candy, watched horror movies, and made rice crispy treats and pumpkin pie! His friend Stephanie joined us later in the night. I don't think I have seen so many scary movies in one weekend in my life! We watched Halloween and Silence of The Lambs, then on Saturday we watched Halloween 2, and Sunday watched Halloween 4, The Strangers (crazy scary and disturbing!) and The Happening. It was alot of fun even though I have never been so freaked out in my life, especially since I think all of these movies happen in Illinois, other than The Happening and thats where Derek lives!!! AND, it seems when your freaked out and watching horror movies, you OF COURSE here more sounds, creaks, dogs barking..I mean WHATS WITH THAT!!

I'm also currently trying to get my new computer set up which is taking forever because I just have a lot to put back onto my computer! My website, which most of you probably have seen, is going to be updated soon with new pictures, less pictures, more organization, and hopefully some flash built into it. I will put a link in here once I am somewhat done with it, and when I am, will definitely want some feedback!

I will put up those pictures of Kapper later and my 70lb pumpkin I carved later on today!! BE EXCITED!!!

A best friend visited me!!!

sorry I have kind of been away from this thing for a bit, but my computer is still broke!! I think tomorrow I'm ordering a new computer and it hopefully will get here fast!! Doing an internship and school without a computer is almost impossible!!! But on a higher note...

My friend Keely visited me from Norman!! She had never been up here and we really didn't do to much since she was only here from wend-sund, but we did a lot I hadn't even done!! Ha ha. I felt like I was a tourist in my city on my fall break!! Ha.

I was able to eat dinner in this rotating resturaunt in downtown on the top floor of the millenium hotel. It was soooo good and really pretty!! Plus everything I did was free because keely's mom was there for a business convention, and so they let me tag along! :) another thing we did was I ate dinner at The City Museum!! It was really cool cuz I had never eaten there! I also saw this mini circus show at the museum I had never seen, it was really good! We also went to the budweiser brewery, which I had already done but it was still fun, and of course I had my gigantic camera the whole time so I def looked like a tourist!! We also then went to the arch and got up to the top, which I hadn't done since I was little and could faintly remember it, so that was pretty cool to do again. And this was the fun part, went in search of the exorcist..

As some of u may know, The Exorcist, the movie, was based on a real exorcism that happened here in the lou! The boy got diagnosed in washington dc, but when louis appeared on his chest, his family brought him here, where he lived with his aunt in the 1950's. The scenes with the girl on the bed were actual accounts written by priests who saw things happen, and wrote it down in a journal. One of the preists are still alive, he came to webster I think. But anyway, he was possesed in his aunts house, and they had the exorcism in St. Alexius hospital and on the SLU campus. The portion of the hospital it happened was torn down, so me and keely visited a parking lot where it use to be next to the new hosptial, nothing happened. We also went to the Jesuit housing place where they housed the boy on SLU campus, but really didn't see anything there either. But when we found the house, keely took a picture of it and her camera started malfunctioning and it erased a picture she took of the house!!! So we turned around and I took pictures, without a flash on my digital, so there was no way of any reflection, and in 2 of my photos there are orbs!! Orbs found in photos mean there is a spiritual presence!!! And the color people see from the boy is green, and the orbs are green!! There is one in each picture, clear as daylight, green, and bright. Being a photographer, that's just something ur camera can't do, yes dust may appear in the picture if its in ur camera body, but not as bright circular things, and yes those could form if u use a flash and there are reflections, but I was atleast 30 ft from the house, it was night, the only lights on were in the bottom two windows, and I didn't use a flash. Its crazy!!! We were freaked out!!

But yeah, it was a fun week to stop thinking about my computer!! And to do a lot of touristy things! I have found it is a lot of fun, to get tours of things in ur own city, just because yeah u may have seen it before, but its fun to be a tourist, to act like u don't know what's what, but actually r a few steps ahead from the actual tourists. And its cheaper than traveling somehwhere else!! Sorry if this entry is long, I'm writing on my phone so I can't really tell the length!! Hope I didn't bore!!

QUOTE AND PIC OF THE DAY!!!

"I felt so freaking numb to everything I have experienced in my life, and for that I am here to forgive you. For me, what I want more than anything in the world is for it to be okay with you for me to feel something again. Even if it's pain. This is my life dad, this is it. I have spent 26 years waiting for something else to start. So no, I don't think it is to much to take on, because its everything there is. I see now its all there is. Let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is that we are".
-Garden State

The quote is from the movie Garden State, one of the most amazing REAL quotes I like from a movie. I read it and it partially reminded me of me and my dad. Just the last line, allow ourselves to be whatever it is that we are... The picture, is from the top of the arch. My friend keely visited, I will go into that in my blog! Hope u like!

QUOTE AND PIC OF THE DAY!

"Cherish this, live this. I am ready for the intensity to begin. I am ready to work. I feel like I have been sitting my whole life and only now am I really ready to stand"
- William Hurt

Derek bought me this typewriter!! Its amazing!! I have always wanted one! And it works!!! It has to be from the late 1800's!! (Quick overview)Also this week, my great friend Keely is visiting, so later there will be pictures!! And tomorrow I am going to Apple to see what is going on with my still broken computer!! Wish me luck!!

QUOTE AND PIC OF THE DAY!!!

"I like REAL laughter in my pictures."
-Patrick Demarchelier

So this is where I'm at while writing this..I'm working on doing behind the scene pictures of ALIVE's current Buzz List shoot for the next few days. Its amazing, being in a real studio, watching a photshoot, the makeup, everything! THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!!! :) It feels so right being here. I LOVE IT! I will write again later today probably!! I'm still writing from my cell! :(

QUOTE AND PIC OF THE DAY!!

"Bittersweet October. The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter"
-Carol Bishop Hipps

This is a picture from today at the pumpkin farms!! Its derek! Aren't those pumpkins huge!! They had even bigger ones!! It was so fun!!I'm gonna go back and get a big pumpkin tomorrow!! I will show a picture of the big pumpkin derek carved for my parents last october soon!! Its awesome!! The quote is of course for fall, my favorite season!!

QUOTE AND PIC OF THE DAY!!!

"The computer is a moron."
-Pablo Picasso.

(The quote is about my current situation..the picture is of my dog Kapper and the halloween costume I bought him. Me and derek got him last Oct 30th and he is orange so we thought a pumpkin outfit would be best!! He was PISSED OFF and wouldn't look at me for like 30 min after I took it off. As u can see in the pic, he looked at the wall, he did that pose for about 5 min...BUT HE WAS SOO CUTE!! :)

MY COMPUTER IS BROKEN!! (This is a vent)

WHAT THE... I. don't. even. know.

All school year I have not had one break because I am ALWAYS doing something from (vent time) my 2 science courses (which..don't even) infrared photography (I have ZERO prints and I need 6 due by wend, which involves sun and green leaves..) internship(which is a job in and of itself) and countless other senior worries like stressing over WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE AFTER GRADUATION!!

Breathe....

Its funny to me because everyone was saying, fall break will be ur time to rest, just wait till then.. Ehhem.. computer crashes and its one of the busier times with my internship (no computer and no way to transfer photos).

BUT.. On a brighter note, I am going pumpkin patching tomorrow and hopefully by getting some nice fresh air and escape to the country pickin some pumpkins I can breathe a little!! And NOTE, I will continue the blog solely through my phone, we will see how it works out!! :) experiment!!

QUOTE AND PIC OF THE DAY!! (FOR FRIDAY)

"Breath in fashion...Let it fill your veins and run your heart."  

-Me

This is a picture that I took from fashion week in Saint Louis, among MANY others.  (a little fact: Saint Louis Fashion Week is the 2nd biggest in the nation following New York). It was an AMAZING experience!  The feel of all the lights on the runway, the heavy beat of the music, the way the models walk with no effort but with incredible grace....and every person in that room has the same passion you do.  There is so much behind the scene work that goes into a fashion show and its amazing to see how simple they make it look...I experienced 3 fashion shows (one being outside on on a closed off portion of washington avenue, at night, with cobblestone streets and not one model rarely looked down!)  The whole week was awesome! :)

Hello From Illinois!!!!

I'm writing this on my cell phone from Illinois. Derek lives here! It sounds far but its only really 20 minutes away from my apartment.

Derek is currently making grilled cheese. Yumm! I wanna know who invented grilled cheese, because its probably the best invention to human kind, except for my friend Erin who hates cheese and every other type of food, she isn't human..

So today I pondered something that derek brought up about the end of the world. He says that the bible says that by the time we start putting chips in people, the world is suppose to end! AND WERE ALREADY PUTTING CHIPS IN CHILDREN! AND then its also known that the world is suppose to end in flames, which ummmm, GLOBAL WARMING!!! So, from the way it looks, the world is about to end, from the religion stand point. BUT after taking religous classes and having a minor in it (brushing shoulders off), I have found that all religion came from the same place! Buddhist had the same stories christians have, but those stories began waaayy before Jesus! Hindus also share the same stories. EVERYONE's religions follow the same patterns but the events are spaced out from eachother! If the stories were true, noahs flood happened 3 or 4 times BEFORE the bible version, and JESUS walked the earth before he was born.. 3 or 4 times. This doesn't make sense does it?

Religous stories are not suppose to be taken literaly, but metaphorically and to help u gain spiritual strength! The greek gods or more (the titans) came about by the finding of the first dinosaur bones, noahs flood was told as a way to make sense of seashells found in places like oklahoma, when in reality, everyone knows that part of land was originally underwater.

And so, when people say in the bible or WHEREVER that the world is going to end, GIVE ME A BREAK! If it were true, looking at the patterns that exist from each religion, we would already be dead and the end of the world has happened 3 or 4 times already!! WHAT!!?? Who knew!!!

Haha, my thought of the day!! Ha.

QUOTE AND PIC OF THE DAY!!

"I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else. "  — Jonathan Safran Foer

(The pic is from when I went pumpkin patching with Derek last year. This time of year reminds me of it and it was so much fun! The quote, is from an amazing book you will see more quotes from called (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close) and is meant for Derek.  :)

THIS IS HOW IT GOES...

so if your reading this blog, hopefully you know me, because if you don't, I don't really understand why you are reading it in the first place...  

One thing about me, I don't really care for Facebook or Myspace other than the fact that at some point, its good to keep in contact with people and see what everyone is up to.  Other than that, I stay off Facebook and Myspace.  But, I feel like doing so, keeps me displaced and out of all my friends and family's (online surfing when your bored) radar.  Facebook and Myspace don't do justice for showing where I'm at currently and what I'm doing, because there may be times I don't get on for months (as much of you know)!

I decided to make a blog.  Not to rant (even though I may), not to be narcissistic (believe me, I know the symptoms, and I don't have it..) even not to gain attention (even though it doesn't hurt). I am doing this blog, because I feel like its a way to keep people updated on me, not just by pictures posted by other people on Facebook. Plus, as a bonus, I will be placing SOME pictures on here from things I am doing (and yes, to my friends, I really do mean this).  ha ha.  

I think this is going to be fun, and if you know me well enough, may be a little ridiculous!  Especially if you know my theories.  BUT HEY, hopefully my life will keep you interested in coming back! I also plan to be posting a picture from my collection of crazy pictures and quote of the day every day!! :)  

HOPE YOU LIKE!!